43 | A Term Gone By.

Credits: x

IT’S OVER!!!

And just in case you didn’t hear me, let me repeat this again – IT”S OVER!!!

What’s over, you may ask? MSTs – or mid-semestral tests – I don’t really know, but they’re the polytechnic equivalent of block exams/common tests, whatever you people call it. And I am so, so glad to be over and done with it.

My first MST was actually Business Communications, where we had to do a roleplay. Everyone seems to say I’m natural acting as someone in senior positions, like CEO or Senior Manager. Guess it’s to do with my experience so far? 🙂 The fun thing was it was formal day, and because I decided to wear a dress and not be mainstream, I finally got the chance to put on my beautiful Dorothy Perkins blazer and I fell in love! It’s such a great fit.

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It’s really crazy hot in the blazer but what was it they said? 爱美不要命 You love beauty, you forgo health/life.

BUT..

I’ll let you in on a little secret: I skived this term.

It wasn’t until the week before MSTs before I realized that for 4/6 of my modules, I didn’t do many, many tutorials. Some even went as far as nothing done since Tutorial 1. So for 6 weeks I’ve been skiving in class and then studying at home (which kind of works) and sometimes during lectures when I’m tired, I’ll just plug in my earpieces and write. Sigh pie, whoever said old habits die hard is right.

And my weakest subject is, no doubt, anything that is remotely numerical. I mean it, Statistics, for example. It took me 3 hours to reattempt an online quiz until I got full marks, and even then it was like playing a game of chance. I was overjoyed when I finally completed it. The probability of me winning a lucky draw might really have been even higher! So many times I felt like just settling for less than perfect but no I know I need those marks and yes it was a test of resolve, I’m so glad I didn’t give up though. It’s been very long since I forced myself to persist in anything this bad. Felt like it taught me a mini lesson. So it was worth it, maybe?

But but but, the crux is that I’ve learnt my lesson and I’m going to work doubly hard next term (okay fine, it’s because it’s double the weightage and I don’t want to forward any modules) but yes, I’m going to really work hard next term! I wallow in remorse this term for everything that I didn’t study for, alright? In fact, I only am up to speed with my two favourite modules, Business Communications and Management & Organizational Behaviour. This is so typical of ENFPs, getting all distracted. BC was good for me because it was well, talking. And everyone knows that talking is no issue for me (what an understatement – it’s like my life mission to outtalk everyone) and MOB is even better because it’s content-based and really interesting to study!

Speaking of MOB, let me introduce to you my group for MOB CA,

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From top left, Syahirah, Kaiyang.
On the bottom row left: Carol, myself, Janice (sorry babe xoxo)

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HR Studio when we have our lovely sessions. It’s a one-way mirror by the way.

This was taken the Monday before MST began, and I like how I have that healthy glow on my cheeks (it’s gone now, no prizes for guessing why) and how everyone is just chillaxing and having a blast!

So, just a short note of appreciation to my MOB group:

I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t mean every word of it. I mean, if it had been that I just thought you guys were an OK group, I wouldn’t even be considering this post, but because you guys made me so happy while doing the MOB project, here you are in the hall of fame! Haha. I love how although we have no leader, all of us took turns to lead and everybody did their parts and more. Of all the groups I’ve worked with all my life, you guys have to be one of the most productive, fun-loving and cooperative ones. I love how we supported each other during the games, rejoiced when we topped the class for the games, joked around, made faces, acted crazy. You guys are the best, thank you for making my first major project in polytechnic such a memorable one! 🙂 You guys really gave your best and then more. The rest of the sentiments were already expressed in the Whatsapp group, but a big, big THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart again! May I have the honour of working with you all again – Kaiyang, Janice, Carol, Syah. ♥

I had the privilege of going to Theatre Practice’s Playwright’s Boot Camp 2013 (实践剧场-编剧操练营2013) and from first session on, I loved it. But not the travelling there. It’s at Stamford Arts Centre, where the nearest MRT is Bugis. I left school early, headed to Bugis, spent about 45 minutes walking around trying to find the place. Apparently I walked all the way to Singapore Arts Museum, which is near Bras Basah MRT already. Oh well, at least now I know everywhere (Bras Basah, Clarke Quay, Dhoby Ghaut and Bugis) are all within walking distance of each other! But I must say, Bugis is such a nice place to get lost in 🙂 I loved the buildings, they all look so rustic and I was enjoying myself, listening to music and just strolling along the streets – or rather, as far as strolling goes with a 1.8kg laptop and a heavy bag.

So as I reached Stamford Arts Centre 2 hours early, I went to the uptown German cafe along the street:

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And got myself Blackforest Cake and Cappucino for SGD 18!

The cappucino was heavenly! It’s no secret that I dislike really aromatic coffee but this tasted good even when the ice melted. I don’t know how either. And look at that cute serviette that I couldn’t bear to use! Okay, here comes the funny part: I didn’t read the fine print on the menu, I just got whatever the waitress recommended, and true to her recommendation, the black forest cake was heavenly, until I got to the lower layers. Then I realized that there was alcohol – vodka – in the cake. So I went for Playwright’s Boot Camp with a reaaaally nice flush on my cheeks. Sigh!

Playwright’s Boot Camp was fantastic, I loved it so much! It had been so long since I’d been submerged and drowned in not just Chinese, but English, complex ideas and discussion that was so much like Literature lessons. I love it! There and then I made up my mind to go for every session coming up because hey, something that makes you that happy can’t be missed. I remember I came home tired as hell, galloped to Mummy beaming like I just struck the lottery, and danced around hugging her for a full five minutes. That’s how happy I was. 

I shall now succumb to temptation to talk about my recent theatre events. 🙂

Basically, I’ve still been going for TYC every week faithfully (I’m the only one who can boast full attendance, an achievement right?) and on Sunday I attended a playwriting workshop by local playwright Chong Tze Chien who has written some of the most thought-provoking pieces like Poop! and Charged that I enjoyed so much. I think his lesson was more than informative, it gave me clear direction on the kind of writing I should be doing. Just got to work a bit harder on my playwriting. I have a horrible tendency to give up on something once the novelty wears off and I’m just pressing on with playwriting now because it’s not easy and the novelty wore off very, very quickly. I found my writing becoming more and more forced, with no new ideas every week, or rejecting it even before I began typing. Before I knew it, it nearly spiralled into me fearing to put words on paper. And we all know that’s a really slippery slope. So right now, all I’m doing is writing. Even if I get crazy writing prompts and I write shit, I’m still going to write, because the only way to have anything to edit, is to have something on paper first!

My theatre commitments also take me out of tchoukball for 2 weeks this coming June 😦 I’m upset but it can’t be helped. Theatre performances only come once and well.. I guess I can catch up on tchoukball when I’m back. I really loved tchoukball buffet though. Food was good, company was good. 🙂

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Every single shot taken was blurry but basically, these are some very awesome Tchoukers! 🙂

Oh, on the topic of good food – family and I headed to a restaurant at Forum Galleria to celebrate Mother’s Day, and I saw the hugest crabs of my life:

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What’s that again? A crab, you say?

Guys, that thing is the stuff of my nightmares!! How can a crab grow to such ginormous sizes, it’s not just freaky, it’s very very scary! D:

And because when I am sad, melancholic or just not feeling very peppy, good food and coffee cheer me up, I headed to Tiong Bahru a few times during the weeks leading up to MST. I remember telling the cashier that I went there for good food as a “pre-exam treat” and Liansheng scoffed at me! Haha. That was a particularly enjoyable afternoon (after which I rushed back to SP for tchoukball dinner) where we basically explored Tiong Bahru, spent time in BooksActually, then went to Flock Cafe!

In retrospect, sometimes I just need quiet friends to keep me company. Otherwise, the noise of the world kind of gets me down. Due to the nature of my schedule having 2-3 weeks of very packed activity with only half a day (or one full day, if I’m that lucky) for rest in between those weeks, by the time I finish 1-3 cycles of these weeks, I’m more than just tired. I’m basically drained. I have nothing left to offer the world because I’ve given all my love and effort, and then some. So during that period, I need about 5-7 days of recovery before I’m back on form and ready to go again.

I remember I went to Tiong Bahru that day feeling more than just a little world-weary and sick of nonsense, but I left feeling so energized and positive. 🙂 Thankful for people like these who remind me what’s worth really living for and for making life even more beautiful.

And also, many many thanks to Flock Cafe for being my shelter! It always has seats to take me in when I’m at my lowest, friendly staff and food that’s screaming to be savoured. It’s quiet, has a nice ambience, is very nicely lighted up and I really love this place. Let me show you:

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Queue number: I’m lazy, so I love it when I don’t have to carry my own food back to the table. 🙂

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Pain au chocolat (which is perfect for melancholic days) and my favourite iced mocha!

Speaking of which, I even brought Mummy there once! I think she enjoyed the experience too 🙂 How do you not love quaint cafes like that? Conducive for writing, for relaxing, for thinking. You can be sure the owner’s going to see me a lot during the June holidays! It’s like my little corner away from the world 🙂

And this is where I escaped today to celebrate end of MSTs, before I came back to school for a youth entrepreneurship forum. For those in tertiary education, you might know that JWEF (Junior World Entrepreneurship Forum) is coming soon, and there are many fringe events popping up here and there. I previously attended one dialogue session with an entrepreneur, the founder of Dragon Boat Innovate (who had an integral part to play in the recent DBS Marina Regatta) and today’s session was a session with Mr Chung Tin Fai, a lawyer, who basically gave me more information on the legal details of forming a company of my own. I’m still toying with the idea though.. we’ll see.

Ended my very eventful day with a dinner with Lynn, a longtime friend of a decade! We’ve done the craziest things together (and we still do crazy things) so it was nice to have her for company – plus did I mention she only stays four floors above me? 🙂

Oh, and I found a tub of blueberry Yami Yogurt when I came home from Playwright’s Boot Camp on Monday.. Guess who dropped it off? Yes, Rachel, my dear dear sis, who dropped off this tub of love just before MST week! Love you xoxo.

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Very long post to make up for my absence of 2 weeks (that’s 1,200 words per week for this post – a testament of my ability to bullshit about anything and everything) and I have been through probably the most crazy sentiments: feeling speechless/unable to articulate myself appropriately (it doesn’t happen really often), wondering why I bother with certain people, cussing at people in my head, being demoralized and disillusioned, but it’s always the people closest to my heart who remind me that they, not the ones who don’t matter, are worth fighting for, worth loving, worth giving it all up for. 🙂 And if I so choose not to be affected then nothing anyone says can break through, right? Yes. 力拔山 气盖世 With the strength to move mountains and the spirit to take on the world. 🙂

So in the coming weeks, I’m going to make it my goal to do what I have to do with no complaints (because this is the path I chose) and to enjoy what I do (to make it easier for myself) and to ignore and brush off people who just like to be the negative voice inside your head manifested in real life. Can’t make them shut up or go away but I can choose not to let it infiltrate my mind. Ain’t nobody got time for that negativity and stagnancy yo! What a waste of precious time, energy and youth. Nah, I’d much rather move on to new ventures, new discoveries, newfound passions.

Cheers to a most exhausting, tiring holiday – but one that’s going to be value-added, spent meaningfully and with much learning!

When the going gets tough I remember you all, who remind me who’s worth my time and effort. 

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42 | Insanity.

Credits: x

I know la, I know.

I know I said I’d only blog when MSTs (mid-semestral tests) are over this coming week, but I thought I’d do a quick one because as usual the whole workload is bearing down on me and I need to release steam! Also because I’ve been thinking extensively about a topic I want to talk about. The content-based details of day-to-day stuff will be posted after MSTs as per promised! 🙂

Anyway, I really wanted to talk about how people are saying that I am crazy and insane recently. So far, I have heard these reasons for being ‘insane’:

– “She siao one, grades not super good, got 7-8 CCAs, still want to do theatre and Korean!”
– “Hardcore one leh she. Everyday either going for CCA or theatre or studying.”
– “Her language got so good meh? Want to do English theatre, keep speaking Chinese, then go learn Korean somemore! She got so good or not? Crazy one..”

I’ve been ruminating a lot on this question for the past few weeks lately – If I can have anything in the world that I want, what would it be?

My answer is mostly the same: I want to learn everything I want to without restrictions.

There has been more than one time this week when I fervently wished that I had 2 selves, 48 hours in a day, 14 days a week, and all the money in the world to do what I want to do most – study. Learn.

Of course there are parameters to what I want to study. First and foremost, I want to pursue my love of language to the ends of the Earth. I want to study Literature. Ancient Chinese History. Theatre (both English and Chinese). Korean. Linguistics. Afrikaans. Icelandic. A bunch of other crazy languages. Law. Nutrition. Psychology. Marketing. Human Resource.

And yes, I know that it is virtually impossible. Even if I spent my entire life studying, I would not be able to cover all that because there is a limit to what I can do. Not to mention that I do not necessarily want to learn in the proposed structure i.e. essays, exams all that. What if I was only out for the knowledge? But it doesn’t stop me from dreaming.

There are times that I wonder, am I truly insane? To keep hoping, to keep dreaming, to keep aiming so high.. and what’s worse, it’s not just dreaming, it actually translates into actions. I chase after, pursue and leap for these dreams almost as though my life depends on it. I work myself to the bone, only having a few short rest periods in 2-3 weeks. I burn midnight oil multiple times a week. I still find time to socialize and network. I ask of myself that I push myself to my limits because youth only comes once. I know I’ll regret in 20 years time if I don’t do all that’s in my capacity to right now. I don’t – won’t – accept anything less from myself. All these efforts, pushing the stakes higher and higher, raising the risk of complete and utter disappointment if, or when things fail to go as planned. Then what?

Quite frankly, at least once amongst every 2-3 cycles of this craziness, I feel the way I do today. World-weary. Worn out. I have given the best that I can give and I have no more left in me to push on. But somehow I still trudge forward. I never before saw that I had it in me to keep going and keep trying when everything else seemed so bleak, so hopeless, so futile. I’m just really glad that I am still trudging on and doing what it is that I have to do without complaints or unhappiness. Just do.

And of course, all of these take immense amounts of positivity and good cheer to just be able to crawl out of the heaps of critiques, politics and malicious words. The positivity to tell myself that if I can do it just once more I am that much closer to my end goal. The positivity to believe that if I do things with a different mindset, perspective or method this time I can achieve a different result. The positivity to just hang on for dear life and tell myself that hey, the sun shines on the other side, but I’m getting there.

But of course, I am never one of the people who can just zen out and admire the sound of cool calm water. I am almost always on the move, onto something new.

Oh, yes. One of the products of being so independent and different is just that somehow you incite a lot of hate. And it’s okay. It’s completely okay if you hate me. You see, people are always trying to cram you back into the default cookie cutter shape. Society’s norms – you bluster your way through school and come out then work an 8-5 job, right? And when someone is different, I think they go like, “Who is this person? She’s so normal, so typical, nothing special, then how come she has all that and I don’t have?” And so they do all they can to bring you down back into the cookie cutter mold. But, I have to say this first. Unless I have known you for a long time and you are someone precious to me, don’t expect me to take your words seriously enough to crumble for good. Because frankly speaking I don’t really care. If I’ve known you for less than half a year, you can’t expect to know me well enough to pass any judgments, can you? I might get hurt, because I’m only human. But it’s always my choice to stand up, break the mould (again) and walk my own path.

Maybe one day I will tell myself to stop trying. Who knows, one day I might just crash and give up there and then.

But at least until then, I’m running the race with the best I have to give. Enjoying the bliss of being able to indulge so flamboyantly in my passions and do crazy things because I’m still young. Being grateful because not everyone has the opportunity to do this.

I’m very blessed indeed 🙂

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Selling a ticket to GD’s One of a Kind World Tour Concert in Singapore, 29 June, East Standing Pen Cat C @ SGD 231! Interested buyers please do drop me an email at chelsea.sj@hotmail.com!

41 | What They Made Me See.

So for those of you who look at my side bars, you’ll know that there’s this segment “Been There, Done That” in which I record the plays that I’ve watched. Well, in a matter of weeks, that list is going to explode. Why? Because for the next twelve weeks, I’ll be watching at least 1 play every week. How insane is that? I’m happy even if I have to eat grass for the rest of the year to afford it.

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First off, this week:

I trust that you guys have been on the streets enough to see this poster on taxis, hanging off lampposts, etc. Othello is a Shakespearean tragedy that’s performed this year as part of Shakespeare in the Park. For those who don’t know, Shakespeare in the Park is performed at Fort Canning every year, put up by Singapore Repertory Theatre (SRT) where I do my The Young Co. playwright’s programme.

Met Liansheng right after school that day and headed down to Fort Canning with bags of food – fruits, chips, DongDaeMun chicken, and my favourite, Carl’s Jr! I can never resist Carl’s Jr’s chicken tenders with honey mustard. When we got there, we found a good spot and set up camp, but shortly after Fangda arrived, it began to rain! We thought he was kidding when he said he was chased by a storm cloud. So it poured, but Gaurav, the director of SRT, came onstage and told us the same thing he did last year at Twelfth Night when it rained – that he believed in positive thinking. I remember chanting something to the weather angels and having both Fangda and Liansheng simultaneously roll their eyes at me!

So anyway, it poured for a while, then it stopped, and we were all glad because the set was so immaculate, it would have been quite the downer if the show was cancelled. Othello is basically the tale of a man called Othello (duh) the Moor of Venice, showing how he is manipulated by his subordinate Iago into killing his lieutanant Cassio and his beloved wife Desdemona. Recurrent themes include racism, love, betrayal and jealousy, so it’s still rather widely performed. Anyway, Othello had a modern twist to it just as Twelfth Night did last year. Because the story is mainly military in nature, the whole stage was set up like an army bunker. It was truly impressive. Take a look –

As usual, the stage setup is crazy high-budget! I have no idea how SRT manages to do this year after year after year with all the fancy props and stuff. The actors this time included Daniel Francis as Othello, Wendy Kweh as Desdemona, Daniel Jenkins, one of my most respected theatre practitioners, as Iago and Shane Mardjuki as Roderigo. I’m only putting names I’m familiar with here, because I saw Daniel Jenkins and Shane Mardjuki in Twelfth Night last year and the first two are the leads. I feel that in some way Othello is really more about Iago – the deception, the ultimate betrayal, the malice. People struggle to understand why such a thing could happen, how Othello could just take the word of Iago at face value and order the death of his trusted lieutanant and kill his beloved wife. That requires a bit of study into the original text, but I feel that Shane Mardjuki exceptionally personified Roderigo very well. Daniel Jenkins suited Malvolio in Twelfth Night better, but he did a good job of  making Iago the cold-hearted malicious antagonist too.

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Secondly, Rabbit Hole:

This wasn’t a play that I had intended to watch early. In fact, I was only convinced because my playwrights at TYC were raving about it. We rarely ever come to a consensus on how good a play is so when we do, it’s certainly something worth a watch. Just this morning, I heard Luke mention that Rabbit Hole gained a 4.5 star rating on The Flying Inkpot, which is notoriously difficult to attain. With expectations, I went for the play today, and true to form, it didn’t disappoint. Basically, the show is about the family of a boy who was run over by a car, and how they try to deal with grief and navigate their way around each other at the same time.

I really rather liked the cast. Actors for this show included Adrian Pang, Janice Koh, Seong Hui Xuan, Lok Meng Chue and Eden Ang. The cast was very well-suited to the play and perhaps because of this, they all managed to flesh out the characters really well. Hui Xuan for example, I thought she was outstanding. She gave Izzy more stake in the play than she would have if someone with a softer personality had taken on the role. She was just right – tough, direct, vulnerable and witty.

One thing I loved about this play was the way David Lindsay-Abaire wove between comedy and tragedy seamlessly. As a new playwright I must say that this is really quite a difficult threshold to cross. Simply because tragic writers are not naturally funny and comedic writers are not naturally.. depressed? So for him to tread between both worlds, sometimes even during an argument, is something that I really can appreciate (now that I’m writing, at least). One thing’s for sure though – this play had a very heavy subject matter and is not something that I’d be able to churn out at this point in time. As Yogi pointed out: this sort of play which appeals to pathos, our emotions, are hard to mess up, but at the same time, it’s hard to keep them outstanding because let’s face it, conventional tragedies are everywhere. What sets yours apart? For Rabbit Hole, I feel that it’s the skill of weaving in between humour and distraught depression.

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Top left: Adrian’s autograph on my ticket. Top right: Rabbit Hole programme. Bottom: Yogi, Adrian and my-hair-is-in-a-ponytail.

In conclusion, if you haven’t watched Rabbit Hole yet, you have to watch it.

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Short summary of school:

I haven’t been coping that well because it’s been a tough week – backlogged work, drama, and outside commitments. But on a bright note, I got into SP Tchoukball, and I’m delighted because it’s something I’ve thought and rethought but in the end, it was love at first play. It’s been very long since I took up a proper sport so hopefully this will be a good last run for my sporting career before I quit. Hopefully within these 3 years my knee doesn’t go kaput.

The drama both in and out of school have been getting me down but don’t worry, I don’t get sad for long. I have too much to look forward to. And one thing I’ve realized – I really do have wonderful friends. From my closest friends who’re there for me at any time of the day, to Alpacas, who make me laugh unfailingly, to SRT TYC playwrights, who give me intellectual food and something to muse about every week, to 02, and they make every day feel like sunshine. Special shoutout to Taopang, Syah and Iffy who had to tolerate me the entire week. 🙂 You guys are amazing!

Among the things I feel 2013 is teaching me, I guess one very important factor would be maybe the importance of family. Pangdemonium’s season this year has family as a central theme too, and I’m not about to dismiss it as sheer coincidence. One of my new year resolutions was to make family my first priority and that’s coming true. I’m glad. 🙂

Now all I have to do is keep going at it. No matter how tired or stressed I am, I’ll handle myself well and not crumble. Exams in 2 weeks!

May this 1.3k word post will make up for lack of updates till Week 7 ends. 🙂

Fighting, y’all!

You’re precious to me.

40 | Campfires and the Dancefloor.

65673_10151501755004123_225006221_n  As you all probably already know, I’ve been leading in South View’s P5 Camps for 6 years now. I can still remember my first camp (where I got shouted at by Mr Yap for being stuck on the broken bridge for 1/2 an hour), when kayaking was still allowed and I met Rachel & Oliver. 🙂 That was waaaaay back, in.. 2006?! Oh man, I’m getting old! That was also the year I got to know Jianliang & Sellick, and we moved on as leaders. Over the years, we’ve amassed more and more senior leaders and we’ve seen more than 1000 campers through their P5 camps. I hope they all learnt much, but I must say, every year I go back I learn more just by dealing with kids. 🙂

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Leader’s chalet! From left (top): Shiqi, Jeanette, Amirul, Brent, Jianliang. Bottom row (left): Rachel, Jadis, me, Sellick, Syadee.

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Myself, Jeanette and my sis & friend of 9 years Rachel. 🙂

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Mrs Lim-Goh, my badminton teacher who’s seen me through badminton since P2!

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I didn’t realize I had twins in Cygnus until I began noticing that two boys looked really similar..

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Amirul, senior camp leader & camp commandant! Big boss 🙂

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I’m not kidding when I say Rachel made me take this picture while we were on stage in front of the campers.

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  Also, in the few weeks that I haven’t updated, other major events have also come and gone.. namely, the DHRMP Dinner & Dance!

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With Claudia & Patsy.. and Carol’s fedora! So tempted to get one too!

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Kaiyang and Ian! 🙂

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Hell yeah it’s 02.

In all honesty I feel like coming to poly was one of the best choices I could’ve made given my temperament, results and circumstances. I need freedom. I know it sounds super juvenile but it was during O’s that I realized that I can’t take it – the stress, the cooped up environment. I need to be able to make my own decisions on an everyday basis. In saying so poly really does give you a lot of freedom. If you don’t want to go overseas for immersion trips so be it. If you don’t wanna attend class, so be it. If you want to flunk your way through poly, so be it. Opportunities are strewn everywhere for you to pick up. It’s your choice which you’ll pick up. You decide where you want to go, where you wanna be, where you want poly to take you. I enjoy, no, I relish having the privilege of deciding.

The results of having this freedom are very apparent – you see me working harder at my studies than I ever have without having anyone push me, I juggle my CCAs and external commitments, and most importantly, I am happy. I am learning every day; academics aside, I learn a lot abut social dynamics, etiquette, and having such a diverse group of friends is just really useful in every situation. 02 makes every single day bearable, enjoyable even, with fun, laughter and bonding. I come home from school dead tired but happy everyday and I have no regrets at all.

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Clockwise: Russell, Syahirah, me, Carol, Cynthia, Weiyong. Taken before Stats Lecture.

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Iffah and I! ♥ Taken during Stats Lab.

From the time at which these photos were taken it should be quite clear that I really dislike Stats! Haha! I’m just not a numbers person.

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What touched me the most this week is probably the realization that I do have really good friends. These friends support me when I’m so tired I can barely talk, they assure me when I’m doubtful and when I’m heartbroken they’re there to watch over me. Yet they don’t indulge me when I do or say stupid things. A lot of them are older than I am, but it makes no difference – one thing about them is that they never use age as an excuse for what I do. They expect competency and maturity out of me, and the faith they put in me just leaves me speechless. How they could ever take a gamble on me like that I’ll never know, but I am extra grateful for them this week, just because.

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Next two weeks are a bit of a strain though.. I’ll need strength, wisdom and courage to pull through! Let’s gooooo! ^.^

39 | Iris.

Cr: xanga

And I don’t want the world to see me,

Cuz’ I don’t think that they’d understand.

When everything’s meant to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am.

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And I know I have done nothing to deserve it.

But when I feel like there’s nothing left of me, I know His love is chasing my heart down to the ends of the Earth.

That His heart broke just as mine did, that He loved just as I did, that He hurt just as I did.

And yet He was ever willing to make Himself vulnerable to hurt, to love us as the Father does.

Thank You for Your favour and grace, Lord.

38 | So.

Cr: aplaceforart

So South View gave me the opportunities.

Then Nanhua gave me the values.

 Then SP gives me the exposure.

 Then I go into university, complete my studies.

 Do a post-grad/bachelor.

 Get a job.

 Start my own social enterprise, if possible.

 Dabble with people or languages all my life.

 Marry the man I love, have kids.

 Raise kids.

 Serve the community.

 Retire.

 Enjoy life.

 Then I die.

It’s all so pointless. Unless I make everyday meaningful, there’s no point in me going through so much to get to.. death?

Unless I live every day endeavouring to enrich the world, to touch someone’s life, to be who I really am and thus be a masterpiece, then I have pretty much lived in vain.

Just gotta remember that most times it’s the day-to-day efforts that make the most change in the long run.

FIGHTING! 🙂