37 | Part Of A Dream.

Cr: aplaceforart

GUYS, I DID IT.

I know how I always say I’m involved in a lot of this and a lot of that. And I am. I really enjoy getting busy but recently the load’s been getting a bit hectic. Coupled with my newfound self-discipline (which really still needs a lot of practice) and my newly-discovered intrinsic motivation I kind of feel like I need to quickly get on with even more.

I just completed the 30th Test of Proficiency in Korean (TOPIK) at SGKIS today and as it came to an end I realized that hey, I just took my first step to my dream of being a linguist/translator.

All the time I was studying it felt so surreal to me (typical of an ENFP right, deadlines are always of relative rather than absolute importance) and it felt like I was just studying with no real end in mind. Well, today was the fulfillment of it. It feels kind of false – the first exam that I’ve registered for, paid for and studied for myself. I really look forward to seeing the results, whether good or bad is irrelevant. I’m still involved in theatre, caught up in schoolwork (acing the non-math modules and struggling my way through stats and POA), dealing with the daily stuff, upkeep of myself and the occasional drama, juggled meeting up with my closer friends, attending plays, going back to my secret place, and more importantly, I loved every step of the way.

When I say I dream of it, I really dream of it. I want to be a translator, I can’t imagine being behind a computer from 8-5PM doing admin or accounts.. I need to be able to interact with people. Or deal with language (it’s alive!). But no, not communicating to emotionally and morally detached office workers and sitting behind a computer (unless I’m working on a new text).

There were more than a few times that I’d be so out of it that I’d be thinking to myself, mindnumbing myself on youtube and I felt like I’d not make it through 30 years of life, but then I really really know that it’s worth it, that I lived not just as a mediocre person, but that I lived a life that was beautiful. Full of magic. Inspiring. Full of worth, value and meaning. A life that hasn’t gone to waste. Youth that wasn’t spent on just TV and computer. Youth that was bright like the morning sun.

So those of you out there fighting for your dream as I am mine, especially those with the common goal to further studies – just keep at it. One step at a time. Foot on the accelerator. Let go of the brakes. Fight for it. Keep going, don’t pause and don’t look back. Just move, and you’ll get there someday.

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36 | Patterns.

Credits: causeimdanjones@tumblr

Guys. This is Plutchik’s Wheel.

This was first introduced to me during an EQ lecture in SP, and I found it to be really helpful for self-awareness, so I’m posting my findings here 😉

The scale moves from fainter to darker, ie. pensiveness will increase in degree to reach sadness. As we go along, we follow certain patterns that aggravate the emotion, making it escalate in level, or we show certain characteristics/patterns of speech or action when we feel that emotion.

I decided to think of 3 from one selected segment (each segment is a different colour) and explain as part of today’s daily self-reflection!

I picked what I thought is the most important to be wary of – the anger side.

Generally I am positive and optimistic so being sad and pensive never lasts too long. It’s usually the time when I get to have many poetic thoughts and stuff that aids in my writing, or even nuggets of quotes, plays and such. I’m usually in a constant state of joy and ecstasy  I kind of tend to bypass the serenity portion. The rest are generally not emotions that are hard to discern I suppose. Anyway, back to anger.

STEP 1: Annoyance

– I say things like “Aiya..” or use a very exasperated tone of voice.
– I won’t make eye contact. I’m actually aware that my eyes betray my desire to leave the conversation.
– I change the topic really quickly.

EXTRA STEP: Frustration

– I cuss, I rhyme your names with them even.
– I make it a point to show you that I’m not happy with you whether you like it or not.
– I totally give up responding to you.

STEP 2: Anger

– I don’t cuss any more. I will burn and roast you with my words and reasoning instead.
– I use my death glare on you and if you don’t get the hint, I verbally shoot you and take a voluntary red card.
– I am just mean. Like, I shoot you mercilessly with words that are meant to cut.

STEP 3: Rage

So far, nobody has pushed me to this edge yet. Thank goodness.

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In conclusion, I don’t have a bad temper (my grandma) or a short temper (my mom) but I do have a quick temper. Much like a viper strike. You can say the same things to offend me millions of times but if you get me on the one day or the one time that I choose to react, you’re going to get bitten. Or it could be the first time you say something but if it triggers something in me, then it’s just your luck. Or possibly some kind of cosmic retribution. I don’t know.

I don’t usually lose my temper in school because I believe in segregating work and home. I keep my emotions at bay at school. It’s a common response for me to immediately choose to be more objective about certain issues (which means I don’t attack you as a person, I only shoot you for whatever you’ve done that’s triggered me) and not get too emotional. If I need time-off to cool off, I’ll take it. But outside of official business, I’m telling you, it’s a different ball game altogether. Though I generally don’t flare up in front of people because I don’t see the point in making others uncomfortable because of something you did, I will if you don’t take the hints.

In short, I choose not to be pissed off by most, but if you piss me off.. then congratulations, you’re going to witness a spectacular, sound scolding. 🙂

35 | OH-TWO.

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DAY 1: DIPLOMA BONDING

Life in SP has officially started! And I’m extremely proud to announce that I’m part of DHRMP 02. If you want to know just how swag we are exactly, when the other classes come over, they say that we’re siao. And yeah to a certain extent we are, we’re hyper, crazy, but when we get down to it we are really quite united and productive too. Or maybe I’m speaking too early and a little too certain? 🙂 FOP week was just four days of continuous fun. Tiring, but fun nonetheless. The pictures shall do the talking because I am dead tired.  

DAY 2: AMAZING RACE

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DAY 3: CLASS BONDING

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DAY 4: FLAG DAY

If you were bugged by any SP student today, you’ll know what we were doing 🙂

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02, you’re hired.

34 | The Energy Excess.

I am crazy, crazy tired.

Basically the past week has been a flurry of activities: running from meetings to camp to theatre to camp to school. Phew.

Three hours of sleep in total over a period of 3 days left me with muscle fatigue and basically knots everywhere. This should be a legit medical reason to get a wheelchair because stairs and standing up are torture right now. I have knots diagonally above my kneecap and it hurts like you wouldn’t believe.

There was ever a point in these three days that I thought to myself, if I continue living on like this, I’ll die early. My next thought was: but I’ll die happy.

For me, that’s more than enough. Living a live that I myself can call worthwhile is worth any price to pay. 🙂

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Attended camp on Friday at 2PM and helped to cut up aluminium foils for field cooking and had some time with Cygnus before rushing home and cabbing down to Esplanade Theatre Studio to catch Salute to Pao Kun 向宝崑致敬 . It was fundamentally an eye-opener, with four directors from Macau, Hong Kong, Taiwan and China. The rules of the production: two chairs, one table. Two performers. Three stage light effects. All loosely based on Lao Jiu 老九, one of Kuo Pao Kun’s most acclaimed plays. To cut a long story short, the production gave me a lot of insight into not just 老九 but all of Kuo Pao Kun’s plays. The directors all did a very good job with each presenting a vastly different piece featuring elements of Chinese culture: Cantonese opera, puppetry, cross-talk. It was performed in Mandarin and Cantonese (the Cantonese especially was a nice touch) and it made me realize one thing – that I really love cultural arts. Not just because being in Nanhua exposed me to so much Chinese culture, but more of that it made me aware of what it really was and now I’m just breaking the boundary and crossing over to Chinese theatre. English might be my first language but it just doesn’t capture the intricacies that Mandarin does. Woah-ho.

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Had TYC the next day and wow, what can I say. I leave after every lesson beaming like a fool. I remember texting Liansheng telling him how happy I was. It’s so difficult to find a community of writers with such dynamics. Free comments, free workshopping of your work, people understanding your difficulty.. wow. This week I especially loved Fangda’s writing, I laughed so hard while reading it that I think the rest might’ve been irritated but it was just so hilarious and borderline farcical!

One thing about theatre class and theatre in general is that I love how alive it makes me feel. Might seem superficial to some, but I love theatre for the same reason that I love poetry, translation and Korean rap. It’s the language, all its intricacies and how it’s just so magical to me. I can’t even express it (which is saying a lot) but it’s something I can really appreciate. 🙂 I guess it’s something that I’m not exceedingly good at but I’m sure that it will not be something I give up on.

Left for food before heading back to camp after that.

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Camp was basically spent in preparation for campfire and I still think my leadership although somewhat improved, is still somewhat stagnant. I don’t have that X-factor. Just gonna have to flow with it next camp! 🙂

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My super awesome possum Senior Leaders! ♥

First day of school’s tomorrow. Hey we gonna kick you out the window~