GUYS, I DID IT.
I know how I always say I’m involved in a lot of this and a lot of that. And I am. I really enjoy getting busy but recently the load’s been getting a bit hectic. Coupled with my newfound self-discipline (which really still needs a lot of practice) and my newly-discovered intrinsic motivation I kind of feel like I need to quickly get on with even more.
I just completed the 30th Test of Proficiency in Korean (TOPIK) at SGKIS today and as it came to an end I realized that hey, I just took my first step to my dream of being a linguist/translator.
All the time I was studying it felt so surreal to me (typical of an ENFP right, deadlines are always of relative rather than absolute importance) and it felt like I was just studying with no real end in mind. Well, today was the fulfillment of it. It feels kind of false – the first exam that I’ve registered for, paid for and studied for myself. I really look forward to seeing the results, whether good or bad is irrelevant. I’m still involved in theatre, caught up in schoolwork (acing the non-math modules and struggling my way through stats and POA), dealing with the daily stuff, upkeep of myself and the occasional drama, juggled meeting up with my closer friends, attending plays, going back to my secret place, and more importantly, I loved every step of the way.
When I say I dream of it, I really dream of it. I want to be a translator, I can’t imagine being behind a computer from 8-5PM doing admin or accounts.. I need to be able to interact with people. Or deal with language (it’s alive!). But no, not communicating to emotionally and morally detached office workers and sitting behind a computer (unless I’m working on a new text).
There were more than a few times that I’d be so out of it that I’d be thinking to myself, mindnumbing myself on youtube and I felt like I’d not make it through 30 years of life, but then I really really know that it’s worth it, that I lived not just as a mediocre person, but that I lived a life that was beautiful. Full of magic. Inspiring. Full of worth, value and meaning. A life that hasn’t gone to waste. Youth that wasn’t spent on just TV and computer. Youth that was bright like the morning sun.
So those of you out there fighting for your dream as I am mine, especially those with the common goal to further studies – just keep at it. One step at a time. Foot on the accelerator. Let go of the brakes. Fight for it. Keep going, don’t pause and don’t look back. Just move, and you’ll get there someday.