I’ll explain the significance of the keyhole later – but first, HELLO! I am back from the dead 🙂
You might be wondering why I’m back here when O’Levels end on 16 November, it’s because hell week is over. As well as that monumental day where I wrote seven essays in three hours. Flattered by Cambridge who thinks I am superhuman 🙂
The finality of everything I’d studied for for four long years is coming to an end, and because today I packed my shithole of a room (finally) I feel especially melancholic. Why? Because as I was tidying my books I was reminded of something a teacher said pertaining to my results – “You wasted your time in Nanhua.”
Most of you know that I’m not academically gifted – not in the way that I can read things and memorize them at once anyway. I’m especially weak in science and math, or anything pertaining to the use of my logic. I’m significantly better in my more ‘creative’ subjects – History, Social Studies, Lit, and especially English, the free writing component of it. Unfortunately that’s just one small teeny bit of the entire curriculum so I was in the lower levels of my cohort because of my other grades.
So packing my books got me thinking – Have I really wasted my time in Nanhua?
After asking a few people – and one particularly poignant answer from a close friend, I would say my answer is no.
Sure, I could have done much better in terms of academics. I could have put in a little bit more work here and there and it would have amounted to a lot. I could have focused and stopped kidding around in Lower Sec. Or maybe in Sec Three I could have sobered up. In Sec Four I could have just set my heart to discipline and order and I could have done so much better.
But in the end I still say I have not wasted my time.
They say teenage years are tumultuous in terms of it being a time where you find yourself. Yes, it’s true. And although my academic grades are a thing of slight regret, I still think I did a lot of growing up in Nan Hua. There are more than one people whose lives I’ve made a difference in and I’ve got more than just a few friends. I have been led and led, I’ve tried and failed and tried harder and failed better, I’ve fallen down and gotten up a few feet from the finish line only to be overtaken. But all these experiences made me stronger.
Above all I guess I should be most thankful to my parents, especially my mother, who never put pressure on me to study like I have got no life. I’m sure she has high expectations of me, but her trust and faith that I know what I’m doing motivates me to work harder than if she had forced me against my will. By leaving me free to failure and success by merit of my own effort, she taught me to think, to assert myself, to work hard and fight for what I want, and to be independent. All these are lessons I’d rather learn now than in the future where these light knocks now will turn into one huge big painful knock. So thank you Mummy! For all the love and all the most delicious chicken every single day without fail. ♥
But at the same time, I’m going to say that I noticed one possible pitfall.
People always say when you’re sixteen you think you know the world and it wasn’t until recently when someone shook me awake that I realized that maybe I have been pretty lacking in receptiveness to advice because I thought I knew the world. Maybe I came off as arrogant, maybe I came off as lofty, or high-handed. If so, I apologize, I’m not really like that. It’s still something that I’m trying to change! 🙂
I’ve been looking at the world through a keyhole, a small and limited view, no matter how exciting the view is. It’s time to broaden my perspectives!
Hopefully this holiday I’ll be able to make significant progress with myself. Also, my mission to keep myself busy this holiday is almost too overwhelming, because my translations, articles and fictional works are all piling up, not to mention numerous guitar dates, shopping dates, exploration dates, skating dates, swimming dates.. wow. It’s gonna be packed!
So before I end this post, just an observation:
I never really thought it would be possible for men to look manly with pink hair.. but these people prove me wrong! Dead wrong!
GD in all his pink-haired, playful, whimsical, yet charming and manly glory. Haha!
“Wait! His hair not really pink! So not fair!”
Yes I am a fangirl, no doubt about that! 🙂